Syd and Jim’s Diary
Day 6 (cause Tuesday we didn’t do one!)
Jim – As the days go on I find it harder and harder to wake up in the actual morning! Today was no different apart from I actually didn’t make it up out of the bed till after twelve! Hunger pangs were a rumbling (god knows how as we have eaten more than is possible while here!). We have a usual set up for breakfast here and it involves bread cheese sausage and all the left over’s we can find!
Syd – Today I woke up with the millionth mosquito bite this one I’m sure is to turn into an apple just like the rest of them so I look slightly lumpy! Once again I wait for Jim to arise from his slumber that seems to last forever. I think to myself that he has enough time to sleep at home. He shouldn’t do it here as I have things to do and see! After Jim awakens fresh faced and hardly ready to go we had breakfast! Smoked salmon for breakfast life ain’t so bad is it?
Jim- Oh crap, a long drive in the wrong way round car! We have only ever driven short journeys so far so today I steer my lefty ship on the French roads and hope for the best! It’s hot really hot and I’m finding it hard not to shove my head out the window dog style as I drive along to keep cool but I think the Gendarme would frown upon it! Off to the seaside come on beach here we come!
Syd – Finally we set off me smothered in a litre of sun cream as my ginger bonce and pasty freckled skin can’t take the heat of the French midday sun. Jims driving this time and his driving is frankly awful. We had a small discussion over the fact that his right side of the car where I was sitting was too close to a car that he was over taking! He could not come to terms with the fact that he was only a few inches away from taking his wing mirror off. Silence prevailed for the rest of the journey…
Jim – silence my ass my driving was tip top it’s not my fault if I like to cut it fine and make sexy driving moves like Starsky and Hutch did!! (Syd – you knob head!)
Jim – We arrived at St Thomas which had the longest whitest beach with some great blue water on it so me and Jenson Button over there decided to go walking all the way along it! I loved it ill be honest walking on the breaking waves with my woman in hand I actually had a great walk until I saw this ……there was an old man browed out by the sun and he was walking along with his woman who looked like the inside of a beech bag (all crinkly and dark) they suddenly stopped and as sure as im sat here he just put his hand on her ass! This wouldn’t have been so bad but his fingers were so far in between her bum cheeks that he must have been inside her! She then turned round and weighed up his ass cheeks with her hands at this pointed I fainted full away with the vapours!
Syd – Jims right it was that bad this wrinkly old pair of crustiness really were getting it on at the beach and did not give a damn! Apart from that the beech was lovely we walked all the way round the bay which was along way through the waves enjoying each others company! The sun shone out at stupid degrees literally was roasting our skin.
Jim – We walked our way back round the bay and drove along to the next beech which was TOURIST HEAVEN with flashing lights ice creams and restaurants along with marauding teenagers and more sexually very active OAP’s! This place was called Royan and once we had found the port it turned into a cool place with loads of boats and fishing and seaside stuff to look at! Looking back now though I was a tourist and Heaven it wasn’t no it really wasn’t the signpost was wrong!
Syd – After we walked from the beech we walked up to the a-joining town where everything was AGAIN CLOSED! Nothing in France ever seems to be open it is really strange! Maybe me and Jim are on a different time zone. Im starting to believe this is true. So we decided to leave there and drive on to the next town. All the seafront houses are not like the ones in England, Imagine a typical ghost house with all the turrets and weird architectural details this is the sort of house that was along the seafront it was a kind of jolly ghost town which to me didn’t sit well. The highlight of this place was yumming up loads of ice-cream as that was the only shop that was open!
Jim – We left tourist heaven and we carried on up towards the estuary a bit where there were rock pools and a slightly more interesting beech. We parked the car and climbed down to the beech and went straight to the rock pools over the million degree sand! I was looking for crabs while Syd was taking photos of the pools and the sea which you will see in the slide show below! Old people heaven this beech was to it really was!
Syd – What Jim must have noticed though I have just discovered he didn’t was the fact that the French women don’t mind getting their boobies out! Not like young boobies these were little saggy old boobies and there were quite a number of them obviously the French aint as prudish as the English!
Jim – However bad my driving got I never was as bad as Evil Kenival Frenchie who was driving a very fucked up Renault Laguna, he came head on towards us as we driving through the town on the way home and just before Whammo he span the car level gave a leer and drove off into the sunset, which to be honest was about five hours away but it seemed this was the effect he was after! This made all my driving indiscretions go away as he now became the point of Syd’s driving anger! Nice one Alfonse! We set off with no further car acrobatics and spent the whole rest of the journey not quite knowing if we would ever make it home again as we weren’t quite sure where we were!
Syd – That stupid idiot almost killed us what was he thinking driving like that he drifted around that corner like a member of a Japanese driving crew.
Jim thinks we are lost the whole way home but we weren’t because I was recognising things we had gone past on the way! Every time we had gone past something Jim decided to remind us that we had seen it before and that we must be going the right way but still didn’t believe it himself! Finally we made it home completely frazzled by the sun and overheated. Thank God for Mary cooking us dinner as it seems that both of our brains have stopped working.
Jim – this was the hardest diary to write due to brain melt down due to over baking from the sunshine (Jealous much?)